Islam talks
about justice and freedom for its followers. It talks about kindness and love.
But when I read the Holy Quran and then compare it with the way some Muslims
act, I find the Quran’s commandments are not often reflected in their actions. Islam
focuses on peace, unity, humanity, kindness and justice. But many Muslims are betraying
themselves and others with their behaviour.
I want to describe
the biggest deception.
In the Quran,
Allah says marriage must not be done with force or in ignorance. Yet Afghan
people often treat their daughters and sisters in many ways that go against
this Islamic rule. Unfortunately some Muslims believe one thing and do another.
Afghan girls often get married at a young age, even at 10 years old, for a variety of reasons. Sometimes the parents think if a young girl doesn’t marry, it can bring shame to the family so they send their girls to Khanaye bakht - - or Luckiness House - as they believe they should.
Afghan people
believe when a girl gets married and leaves her father’s house, she goes to her
Luckiness House. Unfortunately, the
luckiness house, which is her husband’s family’s house, can become a hell for
the girl. She faces many new problems. For example, she may not know how to be
a good bride or how to behave with her in-laws or be a good mother. Then her
husband’s family might start to punish her physically and mentally. It is not
unheard of that a mother- in -law will put the girl in a dark room without food.
Sometimes a
husband will divorce the girl. This has very bad consequences. In some
villages, when a girl divorces she will be stoned. In other cases, a divorced
girl will stay in the home of her ex-husband’s family and work as servant until
she dies because the people of the village will treat her even worse if she
leaves the home.
Another deception takes place when families find themselves in a bad social
situation. For example they might have enemies or be impoverished. To solve the
problems they decide to marry off their
girls, even if it is to men they don’t know or who are old enough to be the
daughter’s father or grandfather.
The girl's parents assume she is happy and safe in the luckiness
house, when in fact, they forced her to
marry only to decrease the dangers and risks from their enemies. Now they no
longer have a young daughter to be kidnapped. She cannot tell them that she is
unhappy or in danger, because she has no choice but to be married.
The families also will benefit from getting paid. They take Toyana - money from the grooms before
the wedding - and additional payments for things like the weeklong wedding party, which requires expensive clothing.
Another deceptive practice is the way some parents of young girls marry
their daughters to foreign grooms. The parents trust a matchmaker to choose a
groom without knowing his background. The boy’s family makes promises and tells
many lies to convince the girl’s family that she will have a good life or continue
her education. The parents don’t listen to their daughter’s appeals; they force
her to accept a wedding with the matchmaker’s chosen man.
It’s a frightening time for the girl. She forgets her dreams and worries
about a dark future lying ahead. But her
relatives and family are happy thinking about how having a rich groom in the fmaily will improve their social situation.
These kinds
of marriages do not end well. Often girls are forced into running away and
disappearing, or commiting suicide.
Sometimes a
girl will steal money to leave the house or find someone who promises to take
her to a safe place, but instead sells her to smugglers or a brothel. If this
happens, the bride’s family and the groom’s family will become enemies. This
leads to more problems. They might kidnap each other’s daughters, not as replacement
brides but as bondwomen or prostitutes.
When this
happens, people think badly of the girl’s family and penalize them and
sometimes excommunicate them from society. People feel they can’t trust them
anymore. The family can do nothing; regrets have no meaning.
This kind of treatment of our daughters is not what
Islam teaches. Girls have the right to make decisions about their lives. But
many parents think that it’s their right to decide. And forced marriages, are haram; they are legal.
Islam teaches justice, freedom, fraternity, alliance, kindness, good behaviour and morality. It does not condone marriage
by force or ignorance. Marriage must be based on
kindness, agreement and love, the Holy Quran says. Muslims who treat girls and
women this way have attached the wrong meaning to Islam. When families get a
true Islamic education, abandon its harmful customs and respect all people,
then society will be ready to fix this, the biggest deception.
By Kamilah
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